If you could switch two movie characters, what switch would lead to the most inappropriate movies? Take J.D. from Heathers and replace him with Harry Potter. I just want to see what would happen with him prowling around Hogwarts. Would he be best friends with Draco? Would he still try to blow up the school? And how would a small british boy deal with the Heathers? We all know he couldn't really control his magic under diress with the Dursley's. Would he blast Heather with a spell for being such a bitch? I have questions.

When you are old, what do you think children will ask you to tell stories about? My scars.

What animal would be cutest if scaled down to the size of a cat? I just want a tiny cat-sized hippo now. Like a toy Fiona the Hippo before she gets massive and can kill anyone just by sitting on them.

What inanimate object would be the most annoying if it played loud upbeat music while being used? I'm going by what I use the most, and probably my hairbrush. My phone already techincally makes loud noises while in use, so definitely my brush. Especially first thing in the morning.

If you couldn’t be convicted of any one type of crime, what criminal charge would you like to be immune to?
murder. but i guess stealing things too. probably more so the latter.

What “old person” things do you do? go to bed at 8 and wake up at 6, but that's a new mom thing so...i like to crochet? i'm teaching myself!

What was the last photo you took?

What’s the most expensive thing you’ve broken? oh god...i can't even properly answer this because i've broken A LOT of things. mostly on accident. mostly.

What would a world populated by clones of you be like? pretty. and annoying. like really annoying.

What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? unicorns because i want one as a pet. mermaids because i want their hair secrets. dragons because i just want to watch the world burn.

What’s the funniest actual name you’ve heard of someone having? I knew a doctor named Dr. Hurt. He was actually one of the nicest guys ever, but I still crack up thinking about his name.

What TV show character would it be the most fun to change places with for a week? I feel like hanging out with the Belcher family would be a lot of fun, so literally anyone from that family. Possibly Linda.

What was cool when you were young but isn’t cool now? I don't even know what to say because apparently everything old is new again. The 90's still have that amazing nostalgia factor. I mean JNCO jeans are making a comeback. Some things have not aged well. When was the last time you saw a VHS?

If you were a ghost and could possess people, what would you make them do? If I am a ghost and I was murdered, I would possess someone and try to avenge my death. If I was not murdered, I'd probably just take over their body and do all the stuff that I miss doing.

What game have you spent the most hours playing? Lately it's Stardew Valley, and i'm not even going into how many hours i've put in on that game. it's embarassing, but so worth it.

What movie, picture, or video always makes you laugh no matter how often you watch it? this one. always.

What artist or band do you always recommend when someone asks for a music recommendation? The Killers. I will stan B-Flow for the rest of my life. OR. I will try and get people into K-Pop. BIGBANG forever.

f you could have an all-expenses paid trip to see any famous world monument, which monument would you choose? Does the Great Wall count? I want to see it before it's not safe for tourists to walk on it anymore.

If animals could talk, which animal would be the most annoying? I wanna say hyenas, but I love my little murderous laughing fur-babies. i feel like monkeys would be really annoying though. no, i take that back. pigeons.

i was going to ask you probing and deeply personal questions but all i really want to know is: will you remember your first born when the twins come? will you still love me? I WILL NEVER FORGET MY SON. EVVEERRRR.

are you there, god? as an agnostic, i have no idea.

what's the meaning of life. life itself doesn't have meaning, it's the things you do with your life that makes it meaningful.

is time travel possible. listen, i've seen some shit that defy the laws of physics, so i'm going to assume that it is, and someone out there knows how to do it.

is this the matrix. i really am hoping this is. like it's some kind of simulation to see if we can survive the beginning of the end because that's the only reason trump is in power.

what should i eat for dinner tonight. tacos. and you should bring me some.

how long can the human body go without sleep. according to google: 11 days.

why haven't all checkout counters figured out to make one checkout line where people go to the next open cashier instead of a line per counter like at the fuckin grocery store where whatever line you fuckin get in is always the fuckin slowest. jesus christ almighty. because then there would be too many bodies concentrated in one part of the store, unless they corner it off, but then you just have one giant line and people being assholes about having to wait in this ridiculous line, and why can't you open up more registers? i want to speak to your manager.

coke or pepsi? regular pepsi. cherry coke.

cats or dogs?

what did you want to be when you "grew up" when you were five? a mermaid princess. i was really into the little mermaid.

what are your top 5 most played songs on itunes? prepare for the weirdest assortment ever:
history maker - dean fujioki
run away with me - carly rae jepsen
waves - luna shadow
car radio - twentyone pilots
레드벨벳 '러시안 룰렛 (Russian Roulette) - Red Velvet

what do you value most in a friendship? honesty. i'm the type of friend that will tell it to you straight, even if it's something you don't want to hear. i expect the same from the people i'm closest with.

if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? why or why not? i dont think i would. i have a pretty fucking great life right now, so i would spend all the time i had left with my husband and my girls and make sure that i leave something behind for them to remember me as they grow up.

is there anything that's too serious to be joked about? i think most things should be fair game when it comes to joking, it's just a matter of timing. and context. but there are some things that are just taboo. sexual assault for one.

what makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it? Trumps voice.

what do you think you are much better at than you actually are? everything. no i'm kidding. i thought i was a decent cook and then i married a chef. i still think i'm okay at it but i'm pretty sure i'm being humored.

which of your vices or bad habits would be the hardest to give up? coffee. i don't think i could ever give it up completely, but i had to cut back while pregnant, and even now since i'm nursing but i still am allowed my one cup. they'll take it out of my cold dead hands.

what’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? i got into an argument with my brother about whether putting frosting on muffins made them cupcakes. they do NOT and you can't tell me different.

an epic feast is held in your honor. what’s on the table? sushi! and tacos and french fries, and stuffed flounder and bbq ribs/pulled pork smothered in bbq sauce, and then there is a dessert bar with all different kinds of cheesecakes.

which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? OVER. that's what the original patent says!

Tell me the 3 best things about you. I can't. All of me is crap.

On a scale of 1-10, how strict are/were your parents? My dad let me get away with everything. My mom was a hardass but it didn't really matter because I never listened to her anyway. so it was like a 1/8.

Who was your worst teacher? Why? Professor Franklin. I took his philosophy course freshman year as a random elective and he was a sexist, misogynist twat. he thought women were responsible for most of the world's problems.

Who was your favorite teacher? Why? i've had a lot of favorite teachers/professors over the years so it's hard to narrow it down to one. I remember absolutely loving my first grade teacher though, she reminds me of Ms. Honey from Matilda.

Which would you pick: being world-class attractive, a genius or famous for doing something great? Since I'm already world class attractive (rimshot), I'd rather be a genius.

Who are the 3 greatest living musicians? Why are you out here hitting me with all the tough questions? I don't know how to answer that, but I know Paul McCartney is definitely one of them.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? This is a loaded question. To be safe, I will say I wish I wasn't so naive.

What was your favorite toy growing up? My Rainbow Brite doll. Though looking back on it, the dool was kind of creepy looking, wasn't it? Something about the shape of its head is really unsettling to me.

Name 3 celebrities you most admire. Emma Watson for one. Mark Ruffalo. And Leonardo DiCaprio.

Name a celebrity you think is lame. Chris Brown. Why the fuck is he still relevant?

What accomplishment are you most proud of? Is it lame to say being a mom? Because that's what I'm proud of most right now.

Which of your friends are you proudest of? Why? ALL OF THEM. All of my friends are amazing and fantastic and are doing fantastic things and I love them all.

What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever been? Paris, Nassau, Tokyo, Prague, Hawaii. They were all beautiful.

What are your 3 favorite movies? I hate questions like these because it's always changing on me, but there are movies that I will sit and watch when it's on no matter what: The First Wives Club, A Leauge Of Their Own, and SCREAM.

How would you describe me to your friends? She's my sister by marriage, but lover by choice. She is the greatest human to ever human and one of the most prettiest, kindest, selfless and loyal people that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting/getting to know/call my family, the greatest aunt to ever aunt, the MVP, the G.O.A.T.

Which historical figure would you like to be? Alexander Hamilton. My name is Alexander Hamilton. That isn't really my answer, but now I have the Hamilton soundtrack playing in the background.

Tell me 3 things you remember about kindergarten. Getting really pissed off at one of the boys in my class because I wanted to play Ninja Turtles and he said that since I was a girl I had to be April and couldn't be a Ninja and it was the greatest injustice to me at the time. Hitting the same boy in the face with a toy pan and getting a time out because he kissed me and I didn't want to be kissed. And snack time being my favorite time of the day. Still is.

What paper that you’ve written are you most proud of? My thesis for my doctorate. I won't bore you on the subject matter, but it was my proudest moment.

What would you do if you were invisible for a day? Convince people that wherever they were was haunted. But what kind of invisibility is it? Are my clothes invisible or just my skin? beacuse whether or not i have to be naked while doing it will directly affect who i'm bothering and where.

Who would you like to live like for a day? i just want to be a fly on the wall in the white house. just to see the shit show from the inside.

If you could time travel, where would you go? where WOULDN'T i go is the better answer. because i would want to go all over the place.

If you could be a cartoon character for a week, who would you be? This was asked before, but

What’s one choice you really regret? oh boy. a LOT. i am full of choices that i regret, but i wish i had made a move sooner. i'll leave it cryptic like that.

What’s your favorite childhood book? every Scary story to tell in the dark book.

What’s a great book you’ve read recently? i was going to try and find a book to make me look super intelligent and worldly, but fuck that. i just finished in a dark, dark wook by ruth ware and i enjoyed it. though i figured out who the killer was super early. i also read the last wish recently, and its making me hype for the witcher netflix series.

Do you feel like a leader or a follower? i used to be a follower. but i don't know if i'm actually a leader.

If you could ask your pet 3 questions, what would they be? it depends on the pet, but the generic questions would be:
1) do you actually love us, or do you just tolerate us because you know we feed you?
2) which one of you is taking the underwear out of the laundry and hiding it under the couch?
3) what are you eating to make your farts smell so bad? because it can't be the food we give you.
What’s the most courageous thing you’ve ever done? Quit my last job without anything lined up. I think it takes courage to leave anything that is making you miserable and taking a leap into the great unknown. Also running head first into battle to fight the big asshole in the sky, but that's more stupidity than anything.

Who would play you in a movie of your life? Someone once told me that I look like i'm related to the Fanning sisters, so one of them, probably!

If you could be an Olympic athlete, in what sport would you compete? story time: i probably could have qualified for the olympics in gymnastics if i had gone the proper routes and really got into the training, but a lot of things happened at once at that time in my life, so it never came to fruition. i think about that a lot, especially when it comes to the abuse scandal that happened for years in the olympics gymnastics arena.

If you had to live in a different state, what would it be? new york, maybe. or florida. fully prepared to flee to canada though before we turn into the handmaid's tale in america.

if you could live in any TV home, what would it be? the addam's family house! or the murder house from american horror story. i'm weird, i know.

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry cheesecake (any cheesecake flavor, really), cake batter, and chocolate chip cookie dough.

Would you rather live for a week in the past or the future? ohh. the future, definitely. i'm going to look up stock prices, or find a sports almanac a la back to the future and my family will be set for LIFE. also just want to make sure we make it through this and wwiii isn't a thing.

What’s your most embarrassing childhood memory? probably getting my period my sophomore year of high school and it bleeding through my pants. that was a fun fucking day.

Fuck, marry, kill: Cersei Lannister, Cruella DeVille, Dolores Umbridge. I thought I had an answer for this and now I'm second guessing myself because they're all awful. Kill Dolores, Fuck Cruella, Marry Cersei.

Would Monty Python still be funny if they had American accents? ....you know what? probably not. i can't even imagine it like that.

Would you rather have to watch a hologram of your parents having sex or open-mouth kiss your own clone? Kiss my own clone for sure. I don't want to know how or when I was conceived because no. Kissing my own clone is just a weird form of masturbation.

Which comic book heroes would you take on a World of Warcraft raid? Deadpool ;)

What are the top three hottest, fictional characters? I'M NOT ANSWERING THIS. what is fiction anyway.

Would you rather have a lightsaber or the Iron Man suit? lets be honest here, i would do a lot of damage with either one of those things.

If you could live in any video game world, which would you choose? Stardew Valley 😂. Most of the video games I like are dystopian realities so that's like, the safest bet

Who would win in a fist fight, Han Solo or Captain Kirk? Han punched first.

Would you rather be a wizard or a Jedi?

your brain is mysteriously and irreversibly rewired to see all the world as one giant musical. you get to choose the genre/style. what do you choose? I'm going to have to say Moulin Rouge. I just love the over-the-top Baz Luhrman style.

if you were offered $10,000,000 to change your name to a name-brand food item (ex: cheeto), what would yours be? or would you reject the $10,000,000? or try to negotiate for a better/different reward? I would rather them offer me the money to eat nothing but their food for the rest of my life. If I could manuever that, then anything taco related can sponsor me forever.

would you rather lose the ability to see the color blue or the ability to sense heat? I think I can go without blue. Because if I lost the ability to sense heat, my dumb ass would walk on lava and not even realize it.

what are your thoughts on star wars? one of my favorite film franchises ever. except the prologues. jar-jar binks is the anti-christ and i hate him.

if you were given the power to eliminate one national holiday, what would it be? would you replace it with something else? if so, what? TAX DAY. I woul replace it with something food related, probably.

Will I at least be on the top ten list of babysitters? of course you are, Lou. but i stg, if my babies turn into shiskkebobs i will murder you.

What makes you happiest, at the core? Besides Jack. jack is always the answer. my girls. sleeping in. bubble baths. good food. i am a generally happy person, so it doesn't take a lot but those things hit me deep.

Who was the first musical artist you ever fell in love with? the first one i remember loving was bruce springsteen and i blame both my parents for that since they were/are Obsessed with him.

What comic book character would you go on a date with? Aside from the obvious.

but also wonder woman.

Where's your dream place you'd like to call home? jack and i have a dream of a huge house for the small army we're going to create, and have it be on a farm so we can raise all the animals we already have, and the ones that we still need to get. i want chickens.

What was the first thought in your head this morning? what time is it!? it's boring, but since i am up at all hours because of night feeds, i genuinely necer know what time it is anymore.

What's your biggest fear about impending motherhood? it was whether or not i would be a good mother. now that they're here, it's still my biggest fear.

Can I teach you how to meditate? yup. if you're fully prepared for me to fail and start talking your ear off.

What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? i can't remember what his name was, but i liked him because he had pretty eyes and he made people laugh. that's been my thing forever.

What is one thing you regret having done or not done in your life? i regret a lot of things that i've done, but it's not helpful for me to dwell on them anymore.

Which parent do you identify with the most? probably my dad. though, i don't have a lot to go on.

What do you think you cook or bake the best? i think i'm pretty excellent at pasta, but i could be wrong.

If you could change your first name what would it be? i once had a list of names i wanted to change to: harper, nicole, quinn, but now i wouldn't change it for anything.

Can you hula hoop? nope. but i can bend myself like a pretezl.

What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? i don't embarass easy, i don't think. big declarations of any kind can be embarassing, but i still kind of like them - depending on what it is anyway.

Have you considered running for president? i fucking SHOULD.

If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why? being a mom. that's a lame answer. i'm extremely passionate about women's rights though.

Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why? i don't think i'm envious of anyone really! i mean, i used to be, but not anymore.

Are ghosts real? YES THEY ARE. jack and i should tell you the story about the ghost cat in salem.

Are aliens real? i think so. i think it would be really narcissistic for us to believe we are the only intelligent life out there.

How old is the most expired item in your fridge? that would require me to get up and check, and i am feeling lazy. we're usually pretty good at cleaning out the fridge. benefits of marrying a chef :D

Are your feet the same size? NO. well, they're both the same size, but i think my feet grew while i was pregnant.

What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Brick - Ben Folds Five

How about the sweetest song? Love is Easy - McFly

Do you know how to play dominoes? yes! i think it was declan's uncle that taught me how to play years ago, i still like playing it.

What’s under your bed? lots of shoes. and dog toys, probably.

Have you ever prank called someone? yup. i still will too. i am 31 going on 12.

100 kittens or 3 baby sloths? SLOTHS.

Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now? absolutely.

How many bones have you broken? i broke my arm. twice.

Have you ever won anything? Big or small? i have gymnastics awards from when i was younger, and academic awards from college.

If you could buy one material thing, and money was not an issue, what would it be? an island, probably. a private retreat that myself and whoever i want to be there can just go to and hang out.

What’s your favorite plant? my favorite flower is the stargazer lily, does that count? what, does marijuana count? because that too.

What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? i haven't come across a food i wouldn't try at least once, but i will let you know if i do find one.

What’s the best way to comfort you when you’re having a really terrible day? candles and a long, relaxing bubble bath.

Has anything/anyone every saved your life before? yep.

Would you ever adopt a child? absolutely.

What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try? i honestly can't think of anything. i WAS embarassed to put on a burlesque performance, but i overcame that real fast.

If you were a cake which cake would you be? funfetti.

What is the most important material possession you have and why? i have a necklace from my grandmother that i got when i was 6. and my wedding ring.

When was the last time you cried? this morning. i am binging queer eye second season and my emotions.

How old was your mother when she had you? young. 20, i believe.

Is there anything I can do that will make your heart rest easier? Your life run smoother? just be you, and come and see me and the girls soon!

what's the best and worst advice you've ever gotten? worst advice was any dating advice i got in college. best advice was to figure out what i can and can't control in my life and only worry about what i can control. worrying over things that are out of your realm causes bothing but stress.

what's the best part of marriage and what's the hardest part? the best part of marriage is everything. i haven't come across a worst part yet. probably that he knows me so well that i can't hide anything from him - which makes surprises super hard. but that's not really a worst part? i'm sorry we're so gross D: